I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving/hating somebody I wasn’t.

There’s a smile on my face but I don’t know why it’s there… I put it on to satisfy all the people that don’t even care. There's so much things in my head. Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just because you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

I've learned a new thing this year which is some things that are broken stays broken. They will never go back to the same way as it was. Maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's me, on my own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing myself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Some people try to understand, but no one really know what it feels like inside. To get blamed for everything that I didn't do, to get stereotype and categorized, and to be judged. 

I wear my heart on the sleeve but I'm not naive. I know what people thinks and I know how shitty everything that can be if I could hear their thoughts from the inside. I can't pleased everyone but why do everyone see things differently? They think I didn't go through shits but they didn't know how much or what kind of shits I've been through. Why is it just so unfair for them to throw the blame on me? Why is it always me? I prayed everyday, but from today, I prayed that Lord will take me away. 

I lost someone important just because I don't have the courage to do it. I lost that particular someone which causes a big scar on my heart. I never thought I will regret but now I do. I really do. I can't do this anymore and I don't wish to do this anymore. Just let me go. Take me away...