I woke up with a really bad dream today. All the flashbacks was in the dreams. The only thing is, everything in the dream is negative. I dreamt about all the quarrels and breakups that we had. I dreamt of how I put down my pride and dignity. I dreamt of how I cried and ask for another chance. I dreamt of how I found out he has been sweet talking to other girls. I dreamt about how much I couldn't bring myself to trust him. Even if he were to break contact with girls, how long can this sustain?
I had the experience once and I really don't wanna go through hell again. I said hell because those days are really hard to get by. Afraid that he get angry, afraid that he think I'm angry or pms, afraid that he flirt with other girls, afraid that he leave again and etc. I did whatever I could to make sure he's happy. I gave in just to see a little tiny smile on his face. But he didn't like it. He feels that being with his friend is more comfortable than being with me.
Some people said I shouldn't let my sensitivity get to him because we ain't together anymore. Therefore I stopped showing all my sensitivity. Yes. I love him. I definitely do still love him as much as before. But I don't wanna affect him anymore. I don't want to affect his life. That's why I felt like a burden to him. The love is always there. But it was never meant to be. But one thing I've never expected is, I cried to see you happy. As long as you're happy with your life now, I'll be happy.
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