Sometimes, it's easier to pretend you don't care than to admit that it's killing you.

People find me perfect. Having a perfect family, perfect group of friends, perfect grades, good looking, slim and not lacking of love or guys. For me, my life sucks. I'm not good looking at all cause I've seen prettier ones out there. My good grades are grades that I fought back. My perfect family isn't perfect as my mom would scream at me whenever she's unhappy. My group of friends are busy with their own life too. Love isn't in my dictionary now cause my heart has not fully recovered yet.

But then, I always tell myself to be contented. I'm not good looking at least I'm not considered as ugly. My family is as intact as it is. My group of friends will always be there whenever I needed them no matter how busy they were. I fell down badly in love but this causes me a lesson in life. I've grown more mature and seen things more clearly now. Even though I might have changed, but don't judge me. You've never gone through what I've gotten through. You don't know how painful it is for my emotional state at one point of time. You'll never know how is it like to gone through a stage where you can't even swallow a single thing and everything that goes in your mouth, you just feels like vomitting out.

You'll never know how does it like to cry yourself to sleep every night and yet even after crying, you can't even go to bed. You don't know how is it like when you hear the guy you love so much looking straight to your eyes and tell you " I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. " To people, I've changed. To me, I'm just building up that wall of defense so that I don't get hurt anymore. Afterall, it's an instinct to protect yourself after getting hurt time after time.

But still, I'm contented with what I have now. I seriously am. I told myself always to be grateful for what I've now. I always told myself there's always a brighter side to look on. That's why I don't really throw my tantrum nowadays. Or rather, I don't even throw my tantrums. Not even at home. Be grateful is always the best thing in life (: